Nov 27, 2012

Totally Abandoned

Totally Abandoned


All that I've lived for

Poured out in defeat, at Your precious feet

All that I've longed for

Totally undone, by Your Savior love


You are my Resurrection, You are my life

Jesus, Here is my sacrifice . . .


     I am totally abandoned, wrecked at Your feet

     I am smitten by forgiveness

     Broken and complete

     Help me die to my ambitions and my self erected pride

     Help me live out on this altar

     'till in You I'm crucified


All that I've strived for,

Counted up as loss, nailed to the cross

All that I'd die for

Is found alive in You, the way and the truth


You are my Resurrection, You are my life

Jesus, Here is my sacrifice . . .


Nothing compares to being close to Your heart

Jesus, I want to be where You are . . .



Words & Music by Bill Drake

© 2012 Old Dirt Road Music


Being the "title track" of the album, this song of course has a special place in my heart.  For me it ranks up there with Mt. Moriah, Open My Heart, I Was Born To Worship You, and More Than Willing when it comes to songs of commitment that I have been able to write over the years. 


This song was written during a very difficult bout with a Kidney Stone – one that I was miraculously delivered from!  During the ordeal, I had collapsed on the floor, and a dear friend had come over, and with my wife, lay down with me, and encouraged me to rather embrace the pain, as opposed to fighting it – which I had been doing constantly since that first trip to the ER.  She explained it like this – God has ordained that women go through pain in childbirth, and there are seasons where there will be pain – this is the fruit of the fall.  God will also deliver.  But in the trial, in the season, submit to His sovereignty, His plan, His way (and yeah, if you are engaged in some egregious sin, repent!), and His ultimate provision.


As I lay there, the chorus to this song filled my mind.  Later, when I could finally stand up, I played it for my daughters on guitar, as tears streamed down my face.  I thought about the fact that I was physically, spiritually, totally 'broken', and yet complete in Christ.  In the midst of excruciating pain, He was there, going through it with me, and leading me out of it, all the while teaching me in it.


Interestingly, Gary Witherall's book about his wife's martyrdom was entitled, 'Total Abandon' – and my involvement with the entire Wear The Crown project had highlighted Bonnie's life and death, and massively impacted my life.  Even that little connection again to a life to pure worship, dedication, and crucifixion blesses me, for Christianity is less about living well, and more about dying well for Jesus…


Scripture Study:  John 12:1-8, 14:6, 11:25, Philippians 3:7-8, Psalm 51:16-17, Romans 5:8,  Luke 10:42

1 comment:

  1. As always, thoughtful, thought-provoking words from a man who is as insightful and reverent as anyone I've ever met. So much inspiration comes from your testimonies! Blessings on you, Bill, as you prepare for the "arrival" of Jesus -- God with us -- by being the hands and feet of Christ within your own circles.