You see my Father and I, we haven't really got on. Pretend it was all right, but both knew something was wrong. There was irritation, miscommunication, in desperate need of reconciliation. I didn't want to be around him and felt that it was mutual. Not wanted, not needed. Oh yeah. That's the usual.
The space between my ears, it's filled with thoughts and emotions. They're not always loving and they're not always true. There's thoughts that are poison, in instant reaction of dislike and judgement.
Love is a decision yeah, a choice and an action in the world out there, and the same laws of physics apply for the world in here. There's choices every moment for how I react. What I believe about myself, what I believe about my Dad, what I believe about our Dad. I've noticed so many attitudes in my head telling me lies, judgements about people and myself who I suddenly despise.
When the bible says to take every word captive, I imagined a huge net of rainbows and of butterflies. But there's good and there's evil, there's light and there's dark. One of them is from God and the other certainly is not. The people around us, our peers and mentors, their attitudes and opinions have a massive influence. But the crux of the matter is what we choose in here. The battle is raging, whose side are we on? Whose advice are we listening to? Whose flag are we flying? Sure I can decide to love, but I need to decide to listen. To actively pick up every thought that flits inside my mind, to question, is it agape? Is it from God? Or is it a lie? Am I focusing on poison, giving it the power to destroy me from the inside?
Do I now need to fear? Am I destroying myself? In the midst of the fight I've forgotten the punch line: God isn't simply a figure on my bookshelf. He's alive, he's here, in both of my realities. I don't need to sit there alone, sifting the bullets from the beauty, but simply need to ask for his perspective, to view the way that he sees. To choose truth, not poison; life, not distortion. Not just a good idea but to be actively lived out. Not a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. THAT is the influence that I choose to let surround.
- "Truth or Poison" - a Spoken Word piece from an Incarnate 2016 Student