"What is Lacking in Your Experience of Me?" (4th Post about Teri's and my journey with Cancer)

I have a category or two for folks who come to me and say, "I've got a word from the Lord for you, brother…"  Of course it depends on the messenger, the viability of the message compared to God's Word, the confirmation of the Spirit of God within me with said message, etc., but, I have over the years been surprised, and don't doubt at all anymore that God uses many different ones of us with different gifts to deliver precise messages at the right time.

That's why Teri and I listened, when one of our most dear friends (upon hearing of Teri's ordeal with cancer), came to visit us, arriving in our dining room with fresh flowers, and a 'word': "What is lacking in your experience of Me?"

First thing that came to my mind was, the repeat of this scenario: where the closest woman to me in my life is hit with breast cancer (I watched my mother die of this in 1975).  The Lord may want me to go through this again, but this time, with my being keenly aware of Him walking through every step of this with us, redeeming the moments, the relationships, and even the memories.  Teri was already modeling the same godliness I remember my mother exemplifying - one of the things that eventually drew me to Christ.  So I decided it must be something more, something even deeper...

Second thing took longer to dawn on me - trusting Him immediately and implicitly with the closest person to me in my life.  We have been spoiled, Teri and I, with her health.  She rarely if ever even gets a cold!  So this was a shock, an anomaly, and obviously an opportunity.  And such is the way we all who follow Jesus need to learn to see things.  To follow such a God, is to eventually come to the realization that the scariest thing that can ever happen to us is only what our loving Father God will allow, and therefore, He has it covered, either by the blood of His Son, the eventual outworking of His foreknowledge, or the overflowing nature of His love and goodness.  To be sure of such things, is to then abide in peace, the peace that surpasses understanding, for at a certain point, to rely solely upon all you know will fail, and one is then thrust into the arena of what you do not know - and now, now there is much room for God.

Third thing - and this is a bit more complicated because is it multi-dimentional - is the assured process of growth over time.  In Philippians 1:6 it says, "He Who began a good work in you will complete that work until the day of Christ Jesus.".  James 1:2-4 says, "Count it all joy my brethren when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have it's perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  This 'completeness' is a maturity, an ever deepening process of growth, and I believe will accelerate into all eternity: making us more and more like Jesus, forever… Romans 8:28 says that God causes all things to work together for the good, to those who love God and are called according to His purposes.  2 Corinthians 5:19 says that 

"God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, and He has now given us that same ministry of reconciliation".  Hmm.  That must mean that whatever is going on here, God is using this to add to the pantheon of experiences that help shape us into the tools of reconciliation that He requires, for whatever time, and whatever purpose.  

So what is lacking in my experience of God?  So much actually, but "He knows our frame, He knows that we are but dust" Pslam 103:14, and yet He continually draws us so gently, so graciously to Himself, where there is peace and completeness.  Paul sums it up nicely in Philippians 3:7-10:  We want to know Him.  And that will require the fellowship of His sufferings, and even the being conformed into the image of His death.  There is a purpose however - so that we may attain the resurrection from the dead.  Wow.  That's power.  That's purpose.  That's direction.  And true, satisfying Fulfillment.

I would add that Teri and I are more aware of His presence, more trusting of His will for us, and more keenly availing ourselves to His process of growth in our lives than ever before.  And not that we will ever attain to some sort of perfect state this side of eternity!  But we can more clearly say with Paul, more than ever before in our lives, "...forgetting what lies behind, and looking forward to what lies ahead, we press on toward the goal for the mark, for the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 3:14.

The Prognosis of Peace

​Today at 10:30am we got the news - the cancer was .8 - 1.2 centimeters, and we found out it was "Stage 1".  Then we were told that now, after the operation, there is no cancer in Teri's lymph nodes (they biopsied 5 of them), and ​no cancer on the edges of the tissue they took out during the operation.  The Dr. told us that he believes he got all of it.  Praise God!

We then discussed the followup treatment options; there will be appointments to discuss followup radiation to quash anything that might be left over in the area, and oncology appointments to discuss what if anything needs to be done concerning her future risk.  Of course all of this will start on our knees - we don't want to get ahead of God, we refuse to go into fear, and whilst we are extremely impressed by the medical treatments we have received and deeply appreciate the wisdom and skill of the doctors who have all been giving us great care, our trust is ultimately in the Great Physician, Who has been making sure we stay taken care of on so many levels, not just physical.

But all through this journey, I have been nothing short of blown-away by Teri, by her faith, and her countenance.  I came to the conclusion that the way in which she was dealing with this, was either certifiable denial, or "the peace that passes understanding", and having walked with her through every step of this, there has never been a doubt - I am witnessing the super-natural workings of the Spirit of God pulsing through the heart and mind of a daughter of the Most High who is surrendered to Him and His purposes.

Denial is the refusal to acknowledge the existence or viability of a fact or a reality.  But Teri has faced this "head on".  She has been fully acceptant and even conversant in the facts of the situation.  However, she has never been acceptant of any of the possible negative outcomes, as they would only be projections into a future that has yet to been known or revealed.  Rather, she followed Jesus' command to not be anxious or fearful, but rather to trust Him moment by moment, step by step, revelation by revelation, and in that process, abide in the peace that kicks in when our human understanding becomes overwhelmed or insufficient.

And the results have brought joy, stability, and yes, the fragrance of Christ.  

I took Teri out to lunch today to celebrate the good news, and looking at me with those arresting brown eyes, her voice cracked with an emotion she had not expressed throughout any of this ordeal, and she said, "I had prayed to God that you would never have had to go through this again…"  I'm not sure that 1,000 blog posts could contain the immense range of feelings, memories, and responses that filled my heart and mind in that moment - in fact I'm sure they couldn't now… what kind of person is a person who is more worried about what another is experiencing or feeling, when they are personally facing what used to be a death sentence (or at least a pronouncement of myriads of processes and procedures that would all bring untold pain and suffering)?  I believe it is a person who is "full" of another person, who said "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do" whilst hanging on a Roman cross.  

Talking about this later with her, she reiterated that she had entreated God at the beginning of our marriage 33 years ago, that He please not allow her to die like that, and to inflict pain on me like what I experienced as a 14 year old boy watching my mother passing away.  I never knew until now that she had prayed that...  But I was totally unprepared for God gently asking me through this ordeal, "Bill, will you praise Me this time…?"

More on that in my next post...

Follow-up on Teri

​I don't know if Teri or I have ever experienced something quite like the avalanche of love, encouragement, and support​ like we have over the last few days - it brought us to tears, to our knees, and to an ever greater awe of our Great God Who knows all, and holds all in His hands.

Teri and I are home now, after a 17 hour day, much of which was spent at the hospital, in three different stages.  All went extremely well, and the doctors tell us that they think they got all the cancer.  They have taken 5 lymph nodes to biopsy, just to make sure they are clear.  We will know in a week.

Please pray for this if you have a moment, that not only the lymph nodes would be 100% clear, but that 100% of the cancer is gone.  Thank you.

As a result of this, of course we have been thrust into another people group, many of whom are facing a much worse prognosis.  I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 15, and it has permanently marked my life.  We know that many of you who read this are facing enormous challenges of your own, and we would be privileged to pray for you, much the same way you have leaned in for us.

Please let me add this - I believe that my mother's death has not scarred me forever - like Joseph toward the end of his life, I can say with full confidence that whatever evil was allowed to touch my life, God has turned it around for good.  Just watching Teri navigate this with such beauty, such grace, and such faith has demonstrated to me once again the enduring and persevering power of the Holy Spirit in a life completely surrendered to God AND what He will allow, knowing that He will most certainly use it in His divine time and efficiency.  "For these momentary light afflictions are producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison".  

Thank you Lord.

Beauty is the Reflection in the Eye of God

The subject of beauty has held men and women spell-bound, exasperated, and in constant pursuit for millennia.  It is at once elusive and subjective. Artists have tried to capture it with paint, rock, and canvas; poets and novelists in scroll, book and ink, only to then unleash it upon our imaginations, where it splashes its glory into a million facets on the sea of human consciousness.  

Brokenness has a beauty as well: that of the real, the honest, and the authentic.  In a fallen world, beauty is enhanced by the brokenness, especially when it relates to the process of redemption.  For example, in so many ways, the Cross is the most inhumane, grotesque of things, yet demonstrates/represents the most beautiful of portraits: the redemption of mankind.

Obviously, to see the Beauty in brokenness, one has to look beyond the surface, beyond the "now", and include the dimension of time - for therein is the culmination of beauty, to which brokenness serves as a guide.  It leads you to that for which it is longing: its healer, its validator, its culmination.

And that is why there is a picture of my beautiful wife at the top of this post.  I love Teri, and believe she is truly beautiful.  And all the more because we have just found out that there is something very ugly growing slowly inside of her:  cancer.  It is to be removed on September 23rd.  

But what I have found to be beautiful beyond the obvious refraction from the camera lens is the reflection from the Spirit of God inside of her.  She has not gone into fear or despair.  Instead, she is in rapt anticipation of how God might further glorify Himself through this particular journey we have been asked to embark on.  So many others have been on this one as well, including my own dear mother.

Pray for us.   May God extract the maximum amount of Glory for himself from this situation, and us His servants.  And may we allow Him to converge all the facets of our lives into the mosaic that He is currently assembling, in order to complete the artwork that He is making of our lives.  

Tale of Two Lads

I find that many times in my travels, that I am confronted with people and circumstances that leave me with huge questions, not the least of which is, "How did I get here, and why is this happening?!"  A close follow-up would be, "And what do I now do with this information?!"

Such was the case on Sunday, August 24th.  On the morning, I had the privilege to share in a partner Church in one of the more beautiful towns in San Bernardino County, California.  Their Missions Pastor has taken teams with me all over Hungary and northern Serbia the last six years, and because of them, I now have an awesome Son-in-Law!

One of the members of that team was an extremely talented young man named Joe, who could play the guitar, sing, and love Jesus all at the same time (!), seemingly without any ego, and with a heart the size of the state he lives in.  A finer young man you'll never meet, which is why it seemed so utterly tragic and useless when we discovered he was diagnosed with a ton of brain cancer in his head.  His subsequent courage, unfading devotion to Jesus, and consistent message and demeanor of grace, trust, and strength, has been an inspiration to so many of us, and I praise God for Joe, because the observance of his ordeal is causing all of us to draw closer to the Lord.

Speaking of tragedies, one doesn't have to go but less than an hour west down Interstate 105, and you will find desperation, degradation, despondency, and hope.  Watts is a district of Los Angeles, famous for it's avant-guard towers build by a "mad" Italian,  for its riots, gang violence, and one of the largest housing projects east of the Mississippi River.

And there, that afternoon, I got to see Jesus again.  He was in the hearts and hands of a family that couldn't be "whiter than white" when it comes to blond hair and blue eyes, but redder than red when it comes to the color of grace.  Running a bi-monthly service in Nickerson Gardens, the Taylors are laying it down and pouring it out, with arms and hearts open wide.  Jamming it out there on that hot basketball court in the middle of what some might call the center of gang-land, was an incredible experience.  Jessie even asked me to play some keyboards, share my testimony, and play an original song of mine that he really likes.  It seemed to be well-recieved.  

But going door to door with his three daughters in order to walk a young black girl home and visit those who couldn't make the service, well, I guess I need a new category - fearless, brimming with love, totally unintimidated, and unapologetically in the name of Jesus.  Wow.

And that's when Jadin "highjacked" me.  "Let me ride on your big shoulders, man" he exclaimed, coming out from under a tree he had just been trying to climb.  I told him that we could do a piggy-back ride, but shoulders?  Well, he had more faith than I did!!!

Carrying him around on my back was a joy I won't forget for a while - I haven't done that in way too long, as he told me to "giddy-up", "charge", and "get-'em!", every time we got near Jessie's girls.  My sunglasses went flying off, and another child grabbed them - only to be rescued by Rachel, who told me later we were about 5 seconds from never seeing them again!  No bother, it was just so FUN to play with the kids, and give them the blessing of "time".

I went to bed that night back in Chino Hills, thankful to God for what had been quite a stimulating, and incredibly varied Sunday - swinging from extremes.  Church in a building, church on a basketball court.  Meeting in one of the nicer places in Southern California, and meeting in one of the, well, you decide.  But at the end of the day it's not about geography nor even wealth or lack thereof.  It's about relationship.  And while one boy I hugged that day was white, and the other black, both are in the fight for their lives.

What difference could I make, in the few minutes I had with each?  Not sure, but I did leave a deposit for the Kingdom in each of them as best I could.  And prayer affords on-going investments into the lives of those we touch and lift up.

However, something else transactional happened that day.  They both made a deposit for the Kingdom into me - I got to meet Jesus twice that day, in the sick, and in the outcast, and it reminded me once again that the road to heaven many times is decorated by "the least of these", those that the world would find useless, or even excess.  

But I found in them Jesus, which is why they could bless me as much or more than I was able to bless them...  and it is still rocking my life...

Freedom

One of the last places you might expect to find freedom would be in a former communist prison used for housing the most treacherous of​ offenders (such as Christians, or political dissidents), now serving as maximum security penitentiary in the city of Vac, Hungary (pron. 'vats').  But "Freedom" we did find, as we had the privilege of joining a group of about 75 inmates in the worship of the living God.

My latest tour in Hungary/Serbia saw us doing 11 concerts in 14 days; a few of them being in some very unlikely places.  But we follow the footsteps of the Lord into the places He leads us, and this time that included a Girl's Reformatory, a Co-Ed Sanitarium, and this Maximum Security Prison.  Yes, we got to do some things that many would find more "standard", or even "exciting", like opening the European Youth Festival that was taking place in the Kecskemét city square, where the organizers say that as many as 2,000 people were within sound of our songs, testimonies and dances (go here to check it out: <http://vimeo.com/100087410>

As the tour unfolded, we realized that we had an opening on the very last Sunday, and asked Attila, our tour organizer if he would be OK with finding us a church, or another opportunity to ministry – after all, we were there, and all of us were up for it!  Needless to say, God came through when in one of the first concerts, we met Zsofia, a lawyer ​who told us she had a great opportunity for us in a prison if we were willing!

Paul and Silas not-with-standing, my experience doing ministry in prisons has been quite encouraging, and have been in them in​ the USA, Mexico, Cayman Islands, the UK, South Africa, ​and now Hungary – and everytime, I am overwhelmed with how the inmates respond – genuinely, to authenticity, brokenness, and invitations to join in.  And this experience in Vac was no different.

The inmate carried the equipment up a couple of flights of hard stone stairs, filed into the room when it was time to start, and serious "rocked out" as soon as we hit the first downbeat!  We were opened by one of the prisoners, an extremely talented man who was a musician, songwriter, worship leader, and professional potter, making pots to sell to produce income to help improve prisoners lives.  He met Jesus, and his life was totally transformed.  He played the keyboard brilliantly, and led the men in worship – and we just soaked it in.  When it was our turn to take the stage, obviously the ground had already been plowed, and we just entered into the flow, bringing the Word of God through song and testimony.

James, our guitarist from England, shared with the men how he had been a drug addict and homeless – and how God rescued him through the ministry of Teen Challenge.  I shared of divorce, abuse, death of parents, and being suicidal, and offered to them the same choice Teri's College Pastor had offered me – kill self, or die to self.  It is such a wonderful experience to share with people who know exactly what you are talking about, have been through it, and are looking for answers.  Obviously nothing short of unconditional surrender to Jesus will ever bring the freedom that comes from shedding the grave clothes the enemy fashioned with us, and putting on the wedding garments that the Groom of Heaven has prepared for those who come to Him.

I arrive back in the "land of the free, and the home of the brave", wondering if we still know what we as a nation mean by that.  But that last concert in Vac serves to remind me that the physical constraints of body and bars in no way dictates where true​ freedom lives or thrives.

You Can Play this for us, Si?

I have had some amazing moments as a christian musician traveling around the world.  Like the time in South Africa when I was presented with a home stereo system to plug my keyboard and vocal mic into (didn't happen!), or putting my keyboard on saw-horses to hold it up (Eastern Europe), playing off the back of a semi-truck's trailer as a stage (Azerbaijan), or using an old-out-of tune stage piano when the 220V in Nottingham, England fried my American keyboard and modules…!

I thought I had seen it all, but no - I was wrong once again!  This gem came from Torre Pelice, Italy, in an old Salvation Army Hall.  It was the going away party for the local Captain and his family, and we had just showed up as our first visiting Sunday - one third of us from our Incarnate School having been assigned to this church as "our local fellowship" for the next three months.  When they found out that I played the piano, they were on me like ants on a picnic - "Brother, we need you.  You can play for us, yes?"  Actually, I had been forewarned by a lovely Dutch Omer serving here who attends the Salvation Army with her family - and I had agreed, as long as I didn't have to "read" music, and only if there were "Chord Charts".  I was told there would be.

What I wasn't expecting, was all lyrics in Italian (honestly, I should have known that part), but the kicker was the chord charts - they were all done in "Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do"  (you might recognize that from a famous movie made in the 1960's!)

Anyway, it was the most amazing moment - it was the exact parallel to what a translator must do with language on the spot - train my mind instantly to read Do = "C", La = "A",  Fa#m = "F#m".  Oh, and try to keep up the the obligatory Salvation Army Brass Band that was "bringing it" with amazing gusto and enthusiasm!  Man did we make joyful noise!  And the people sang!

What an experience!  Overall it did go well, even though I did hit a few wrong notes, was humbled once again, and will never forget my first cross-cultural musical experience in Italy!   

Tutto lode a Dio!